Please call me, Lindsay Lohan.

I was totally freaking out about a lot of things. All day.

After leaving work early to go home and cry about how horrible and uncool my life is, I ended up doing dishes. Again. I have two male roommates, one of which always does his own dishes. He doesn't use a lot but the ones he does use, he washes, immediately.

The dishes in the sink are always mine and the other guy's. I did dishes all week last week, all weekend and again last night. I don't want to have to start a chore wheel ('cos we're all grown, especially him, he's the oldest) but I don't want to have to always be washing dishes. Not sure how I'm going to solve this problem, since I hate confrontation/communication.

As I was washing, though, I started thinking/harping on all the things I hated about my life and how I'd be able to change any of those things.

Okay, that's a lie. I only harped - I had zero intention to do anything other than hate myself forever and wait for that magical morning when I woke up in a Freaky Friday situation with me in Lindsay Lohan's body and I'd get to solve all her problems ('cos obviously that girl's problems are easy to solve).

This morning as I commuted to work (early, to make up for leaving early yesterday), I thought: What if LiLo is waiting on the same thing?  What if LiLo wishes she could wake up as someone else and not have her problems anymore? What if she wanted to trade lives with some random office girl because random office girls don't have problems as big as hers?

Then a homeless woman got on the train and sat three rows ahead of me.  Her hair was natty, her clothes were ratty, a terrible odor emitted from her body and as she used her black plastic bag of belongings as a pillow against the El window, I realized: this woman would probably give whatever she could to wake up as me one morning.

I have a queen bed in an okay apartment in Pilsen where we have a shower/bath combo, soap, food and heating. I have a full-time job that pays okay. I'm a size 13/14 and most of my clothes are in okay if not good condition. I have a bank account and some money for cigarettes. I have access to things that could solve my problems.

So I'm going to do that. I am going to solve my own problems like a grown up.
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But Lindsay, if you ever need to just not be you for like an hour/day/week/month, hit me up. I know some gypsies that could probably help with the Freaky Friday magic.